Some say God is in all of us. All we need to do to see the divine is look inside ourselves. I really hope that is not true. The simple fact is that inside, its a swirling, and only on occasion do I grasp what is occuring. It is an exception, rather than a rule.
I dont know that God is in me anymore. I think God is in my life, I really do believe that. But I dont know that God is in my life in some internal way. I think that is one of the holes I feel left behind in. I mean I have sought connection my whole life, really sought it out.
I have never felt connected to my church, or the things within the church. I have gone, and loved the singing. The best time being when I went with Sean Palecek as a young man on sundays at St Therese. it was amazing to walk up that hill and go to church. I know now that his parents had to be fucking during that time.
Its funny how things look vastly differant looking back at them.
Back to God...it is a yes or no...seek or reject him. I feel strange because I reject most of his servants here on earth. But I should not I dont think. The fact is there faith may be heartfelt, and I might just be a cynical 11th grader ripping them. Did I ever stop being the intellectually snobby child thumbing my nose at things.
Posted by Radiofree at September 8, 2005 01:41 AM | TrackBack