Outnumbered, Outgunned

Middle of the Night

Man if this tool would have been available in college, god knows what sort of brilliance might have ensued. Did you know that I never had email in college? We had two giant power pcs in the house, and Jackie and I had a mac classis. The pwoer pcs were for kirk and kirs to do there CAD work for school. The Mac was for Jackie and I to type papers. This was for me more than her. The printer must have weighed 100 pounds, it was insane. I still have papers that I typed on a typewriter in the commons area of Sandburg hall. I really dont know what was happening. I just never paid attention to this in college. And god do I now look back on it as a mistake.

What must college be like now? What are the tools on the campus everyday? I mean I look at my life now, and the ibook is a tool I can barely leave my house. I mean I just cannot see how it is even possible.

I carry a PDA most everywhere I go. I just dont know what is in it. I decided though that a while ago I loved my day planner so very much, and the PDA I have is a great extension of that idea.

I mean I sat in a classroom and argued about books I did not read. I took notes on big ideas, and thought I was doing something. And I really was not. I might have about a year in me, depending on the madison thing...and then I am thinking college again in areal way.

I am the FOUNDER of this station. But I want to develop some skills that will carry me forward. It amazes me that I cannot imagine going back to UWM after the things I am doing now. I really dont give a shit about ad sales, or voice or whatever. It just does not even matter. My concerns are bigger than that. Bigger than content in many ways.

I am more concerned about access than anything else in my life. God how Marcus the Communist has affected me. Its boggling to my little mind.

I mean I simply was a public enemy political guy before marcus, and now I am something else all together. I would have never considered access to be such an issue. And I have moved way beyond marcus on this issue, but still I am there for it. It is the defining issue in america.

The manipulation of libraries and research facilities, the co-opting of hte news through editorial policy dictated by something other than news, the blog ospheere attacking the world in a new way. In a new unmanageable way.

Hey Will...the next time your in town would you like to try to play tennis?

I miss tennis. I have not played tennis since I spoke to Todd Trowbridge. God has it been that long. Has this downward slide into some version of adult lack of physical activity been that long in the making. God help me. No time in the gym overcomes my loss of joy iwth my physical form.

I own and enjoy snowboarding, and have gone each year since I learned. But the thing is I go less and less. And now I feel as if I have sort of gotten past that sort of envelope.

Speaking to Gary Oldman the other day brought back so many images. So many ideas, so much reality. I look at the thing with Jackie. The isolation I felt as an 18 year old boy that led me to that. How isolated she and I were. How much of a mistake it was.

But in regards to Gary Oldman...he and I talked about how he needed to let people move past what they were in high school. And the thing is, I think I would have liked to have the two of them meet, and watch them NOT BE ABLE TO DO THAT. I mean they would not be able to be other than her and him, in those high school roles. And the fact is that she is amazing. Even now. really now more than ever. Womens health, focusing on reproduction. How amazing is that? Gary on the other hand has sort of an impending identity crisis thing coming, and he hints about the conflict between the country club and who he is.

I tend to think that Gary is going to be a nonprofit warrior his whole life. And I think that what will change in the next few years is the type of warrior he is. I wish he could turn that brilliance over to the issues of access or FCC reform...but I dont know him that well really. He might like the golf thing. he might like the wine tastings.

I dont judge him for that. In fact I am jealous of him for that. His sophistiaction. His ease at flowing into that world, built out of what I never will know, but built out of something none the less. I respect that. I still have too much of my fathers bullshit layering who I am. I feel less and less of it everyday, but Istill have it laying around.

Posted by Radiofree at September 8, 2005 04:12 AM | TrackBack