September 25, 2005
Why I like what I like
Years ago I detached my brain. I pushed it away. I pushed away the discussion of art, and food, and music, and whatever else. I stopped talking about things like this.
Talking about love is like dancing about archetiecture.
I read that somewhere or saw that somewhere. And I think I took it in.
I let you go on your discussions on why a wine is significant. And I dont mind in the least that your doing it. In fact I am happy you talk about it. But I dont understand those things in any real way. I never will, the reason I know I never will, is because I choose to turn my head away from them.
I drink Mt Dew Pitch Black, and it makes me laugh. Its grape flavor, its delivery of ceffeine. I dont know much more than that. It has bubbles, and I suppose I like that sensation on my tongue.
One night a new friend was telling me about how she bought wine by the case at the grocery store, and how I should really meet the manager of the alcohol department. I immiediately wanted to punch her in the face, and I felt such shame.
Is a life less examined one that cannot speak to food, or art, or whatever? Do I miss out on that because I dont choose to speak about it, and its significance? Is there significance in a nice black bean burrito? I dont know.
I think that in the last 6 years I have chosen to read things in a totally differant way. To explore a differant part of the world, and differant part of my life. The emotional part.
it draws me to the work of Mike Ness. The emotional defiance that is embodied in that man is significant to me. Teh ability to sing a love song. And really mean it. I mean really mean it.
I would love to be able to sing a song to a woman, and have it hurt me so much that it cuts me. To have love hurt me so much taht my voice just drips it.
I think that is why I am drawn to the things I am drawn to, because I feel so disconnected from the world. I just need that emotional fuel to make my life possible.
Posted by Radiofree at September 25, 2005 01:01 AM | TrackBack