October 25, 2005

body failure

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I was a fine hockey player 2 years ago. My brother and I were the better players in our league. Tonight it was another story. We got into a league that is totally above our head. More importantly, our conditioning. I was totally unprepared for ths tonight. I skated HARD for about 45 of the 90 minutes, then I took my skates off. I had nothing left. Nothing that resembles a shot at making a differance at all. I fell twice, and could barely get up.

It was humiliating. At the same time it was so much fun. Just to skate again. To feel the skates on my feet...and to know that I can still do it. But my body has 50 pounds that it did not have 2 years ago. I felt like I did not even fit in my own form. I did not know how to be this big. It was something else. To be this connected from my form.

But the most important thing was this...being with my brother, watching him skate. He was just as bad as me. But there was something so amazing at being with my brother. We rode down in the car, and we rode back in the car. It was just so much.

I stood there off the ice, and I watched him skate, behind the play. Not even close to the play. And I just thought that my younger brother had become such an amazing man. A man that I am so glad to have as my brother.

I wish you all the blessings of looking into the world and seeing that. The thing that you know is amazing.

We talked about lots of shocking shit in the car. He is starting to talk to me like an equal. Its cool, because I think I have in fact come out of the fuck up period that I knew he was hating, and I was really having a shitty time of.

I was reading Natas Kaupas blog. And I think that I really like what he does. I just do for some reason. I dont know what it means to be a systemist. Or whatever the word was. But I want to explore it.

And I certainly know that I need to read a lot more. My brain has atrophied to a point where I am no longer a citizen of my state, much less my country.

What magazines should I subscribe to? I need to engage my mind. I get a free copy of the progressive.

Posted by Radiofree at October 25, 2005 01:30 AM | TrackBack
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