October 25, 2005

deleting this blog in 1 week

if your interested email me


Hell all of you women and men know that dont you? I love to get the emails

Email me if you want the new blog name

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I think that my role on this blog is to belittle the military wives and gf and husbands to the point I can get 100 emails a day.

Funny how that was not my intention. Then I went to the host of this service, and damn near every blog has a SUPPORT OUR TROOPS thing on it. Or some form of neo con stupidity.

I even pissed off a friend of nearly a decade with my blogging. And the thing is this...I am completely unwilling to change my attitude about all of this shit. I am totally against this war, this president, this government, this congress, the powers that be, the big shots, the cigar smoking white men that send our 18 year old people off to get shot, and come back with damage so profoud that we are going to grow old around a generation of psychopaths.

Look at hte Vietnam people...a wholly unpopular war...there all drunk and broken in some sense. I know 4 Vietnam vets who if asked will tell you they are 23 years old. They are in there 50s now.

The war in Iraq is ramping up to be just as unpopular. I watched some speech of George W Bush tongiht, and he was completely unsympathetic and presidential to me. He was cold, and mean spirited and defiant in the face of no opposition.

It must bother him that the architect of it all, Karl Rove is about to be indeicted if he has not already. I am ashamed to be an american.

We live in a culture where we feel comfortable ranting against those who teach us things, because there opinions do not fit our PERSONAL rubric of the world. We live in a world so narcissistic that we cannot see past our personal lives. I am ashamed to think that it is okay to go to the Dean and complain because you doint like the opinion of a professor.

I am sorry Mu Nu. It was a giant mistake to come here. I did not know what I was in store for. I think it is a great thing that you do here for your conservative talking head loving bullet point reciting people. But I dont fit here. I really dont.

I am going to go. I am going to see if there is a way for me to take my text, and hit the road. There might be something here that I like. I am not returning to my old blogger site, in fact I am going to a differant blogger site. I think it is a good thing to be a part of blogger. I think that the political bullshit that is mu nu is too much.

And I know this is upsetting you. And you know who you are. The fact is that I dont agree with you. I dont know that I know who you have become. The time that we took away from each other seems to have found us having retrreated to opposite ends of things. I am sorry for that. But there is no way I want to be a part of such flag waving. I dont want to be a part of it at all. I feel to strongly that it is short sighted, uninteresting, and basically uncool. This hurts me a lot. I know your at a low point, and I am not going to pound up more stuff to make it worse. And I think that my being here will only add to the bad things. I thank you every day for the past ten years. Or whatever it was. Your an amazing woman. You deserve happiness. And I know I wont let it go in anyway. I will just keep pounding on the issue. ANd hurting you more.


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Hey Military Wives and Girlfriends


Are you reading this? Are you still there? Are you still standing behind a man who is FORCED to stand behind our president?

You ripped on me for not supporting your partners...well this is the thing.


Where is your voice? Where are you in this planet? You focused your rage on me...but I am one ass clown with a blog...why are you not fostering that rage on your president who has elected himself monarch...and were in a war now that will cost a full generation. There going to be there for a decade. its never going to end.

Its never going to end.

I said it, without thinking about it. I dont know how this ends. I dont know what happens.

We took away a leader, for all considerations we have taken over this country that does not want us there...and were ruling it...WITH YOUR LOVED ONES.

Your man or woman is the bullett in George Bush's gun.

And your man is not coming home.

Who leads Iraq? No one.

We do

And you send me angry emails...fuck you. Your short sighted personally twisted politics are misguided by your husbands servitiude.

You should be on Oprah everyday. You should be the voice in the darkness of this country. You should be everywhere

Thank God for the statement made by Cindy Sheehan.


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body failure

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I was a fine hockey player 2 years ago. My brother and I were the better players in our league. Tonight it was another story. We got into a league that is totally above our head. More importantly, our conditioning. I was totally unprepared for ths tonight. I skated HARD for about 45 of the 90 minutes, then I took my skates off. I had nothing left. Nothing that resembles a shot at making a differance at all. I fell twice, and could barely get up.

It was humiliating. At the same time it was so much fun. Just to skate again. To feel the skates on my feet...and to know that I can still do it. But my body has 50 pounds that it did not have 2 years ago. I felt like I did not even fit in my own form. I did not know how to be this big. It was something else. To be this connected from my form.

But the most important thing was this...being with my brother, watching him skate. He was just as bad as me. But there was something so amazing at being with my brother. We rode down in the car, and we rode back in the car. It was just so much.

I stood there off the ice, and I watched him skate, behind the play. Not even close to the play. And I just thought that my younger brother had become such an amazing man. A man that I am so glad to have as my brother.

I wish you all the blessings of looking into the world and seeing that. The thing that you know is amazing.

We talked about lots of shocking shit in the car. He is starting to talk to me like an equal. Its cool, because I think I have in fact come out of the fuck up period that I knew he was hating, and I was really having a shitty time of.

I was reading Natas Kaupas blog. And I think that I really like what he does. I just do for some reason. I dont know what it means to be a systemist. Or whatever the word was. But I want to explore it.

And I certainly know that I need to read a lot more. My brain has atrophied to a point where I am no longer a citizen of my state, much less my country.

What magazines should I subscribe to? I need to engage my mind. I get a free copy of the progressive.

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October 24, 2005


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Treo 650 land...where everything gets buggy.

Is the Palm OS easy to use?

Operating system atrophy?

Walt Mossberg checks out the new ipod

I think I am wrong about my feelings on trust. I came up with an idea about this when I was with Jackie.

Its southern california and I have fruit.

The idea with trust is that it costs nothing. I trust you. It costs me nothing to be your friend. I dont view my emotional life like cash anymore. I mean I understand the the world has folks in it that should not be trusted. I was one of those people for so long it is not even cool.

I extend to you my trust. I offer myself to you. I am responsible for what is given you, and what is given you is yours to do with whatever you like.

If we need to use cash as a metaphor...so I meet someoene. Early in the relationship they ask to borrow 20 bucks. Okay. So if I happen to have 20 bucks on me, and can afford to give it to them, then I do. If I cannot afford it, I say no. If I give it to them, and they dont pay me back...okay. I was okay with the 20 being gone.

If it is emotion...and I convey some intimacy to you, and you do something with it...well i need to own that I said it. So for example I tell someone that my father shot himself...and they tell someone. Okay. I willingly told you that my Dad did that.

Like this blog. I am writing on the internet, and I have to own the things that I say to such a large extent, I never really thought I would be here before.

I gave a pen to a guy I know. He likes to write. I dont think he actually likes to "write" but I see him often just writing, jabber in the sidebar of newspapers and what not.

I trust you.

But I dont think you should tell me things I am not supposed to know or talk about.

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So I have been calling my southern friend for three days now. And I cannot find her. I mean her caller id must have 300000000000 calls from me. It started out with my wanting to share something with her, and now it has turned into something else.

I just dont know. She is never not home. I think it is strange. I think it is funny really, it showed me something about myself. The simple fact is I just wanted to call her and tell her something, I did not want to SHARE. I think all these years I have had such shitty self involved interaction with her its not cool at all. I have avoid sexuality in our relationship, thinking that I was rising above. I dont know. This sort of pulling away, and my willingness to at least cop to being self involved. I just dont even know how to do anything else at this point.

And on a totally unrelated note...I am running to violate the trust of a good friend again. It seems like this comes up often, a recurring pattern. Just getting lost in the exchanging,. and talking and talking , and knowing I am crossing lines, and just moving the line in and thinking that the fact that I have a line is enough, when in fact it is not.

Tomorrow night my brother and I found a new hockey league. It is in point. I am pretty excited. I just hope that it is fun, because he and I could use the fun. I just am excited to get ot play. To feel the joy of puck on the stick. I guess they have goalies. That means I am not going to score.

I cant shoot.

I love my brother.

I love Scott Holt too.


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October 22, 2005

greatest day

So today I got my copy of Revelator in the mail. It is the new Scott Holt record.

I am thanked in the liner notes.

Not only is it the greatest record of all time, I am thanked in the liner notes.

I am really happy about that

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October 21, 2005

getting crazy

So I am getting a bit nuts. I bought Phat Farm shoes for fridays at work. How insane is that.

Encrytping files on my ipod seems a bit nuts.

But I bought sneakers...I went to Esatbay...and they turned down my check. I know what I have in the bank, and I have the 80 bucks to pay for shoes.

I mean really, what the hell is that about? Have these call in credit things gone so far as to stop cashing checks from people who are buying stuff...I mean why the hell can I not spend my money at Eastbay.

Ahh so what.

My movements have been amazing these past few days.

Is the Apple and ABC deal creating a competition for the affiliates? Did ABC not consult the people?

The screen actors guild wants 3.99 for each download

The studios want to pay out the same way they pay off for DVD sales.

I did another interview today for the Rock for Releif concert. I really tried to avoid this. But I am getting good at the earned media this way. I just gotta spend a little time out of the media a bit.

Is it time for run to office? Or move to the southern states.

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Today I have spent the better part of the morning moving my office. They are remodeling the other part of the building, so I have to move to another spot. Who knows.

I am off to eastbay to buy some new shoes. Suggestions?

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October 20, 2005

3 authors

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So I just saw that I now have three authors on my blog thing. What the hell is that?

I gotta poop. Be right back.

Okay that was pretty good. It was a pretty solid turd, good hyradtion led to lubrication, so it came fast, and easy. Sometimes there just like a pain, like I am shitting gravel. it just hurts. A few months ago I had some blood in my poop. STRAIGHT TO THE DOCTOR. No way am I playing around with that at all.

So the doctor asked if I had made any diet changes, and I had to be honest. I had. I had become a vegetarian...one of the best things I have ever done...and then we talked about my annual fasting. And he pretty much saidf that with the colon that I have that the release is a possible irritant. So he figured that was the case.

But we still needed to shove that damn camera up there.

All clear, and wow. The thing is that I know that I have put on the weight, it is not like a quick thing. It came over time. I think it started with the fall of Jackie, and ran into my Dad. And kapow...depression and a couch. and snore...I need exertion.

I blew out my first pair of ear buds that Natas gave me when I bought his ipod. I was so excited about the whole thing, for some reason. He gave me a second pair so I am on to that already. Its pretty cool.

My truck needs serious repairs now. Like 1000 bucks worth. Its going to happen. I want to keep the truck. It means I put the new ibook off for two months. And it means that the down payment on th VW is just a little less.

I am excited about about owning the TDI that Gary Oldman turned me onto. I know that he had like the Wolfsberg Edition, but honestly I want a car I can have paid off in a year, and that Wolfsberg is like an extra ten. I wish I had rode in it. I bet it is amazing.

VW website does not look good at all. The cars on there are not interesting to me in the least. Not at all. For whatever reason the cars that I am seeing are better, the wheels fill the wheelwell a lot better.

You know I love my brother. With everything in me. I really love the guy. He is one of the best people. It just makes me have to stop myself from smiling now even just typing this. Tonight i dropped his truck off at his house, and his door was locked. So I just left the keys, and I started walking away, and he came out of the door in the garage, just standing there in the light of his garage that he and I had built together. I just lept seeing him. It killed me to get in the car with David Lee Roth. But I had to get out of there, he looked disappointed that I was not going to talk to him more. And I can totally understand that. It is just an awesome thing to feel the love of my brother.

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October 18, 2005

writing versus typing

So last night I sat down with my journal. The actual notebook one. And it had been a month since I last wrote in it. I was shocked. I got tired wirting in it. I was pissed off that it was like that.

So I built a lunch break to the gym type of schedule.

I am thinking of shaving my head, just so that I can wear the cool stocking caps.


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Planned Parenthood versus Casey

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I just keep coming back to this fact. I dont have much to offer. I really dont. My voice is shorter, my time is shorter. I am sleeping so much more now its terrible.
Last night I failed to go to the Casino with my buddy, and I just laid down. I mean I slept from like 7 pm, to 1 am. Then I tried to go back to sleep some more. It did not work.

An inept fiddler, being caught in lies while trying to be taken more seriously.


At WNRB we have moved into streaming. I am excited to be taking it on. We will be streaming all our audio. I am not sure what this is going to mean legally, but I am excited to take on something that will build listeners.

The actual job of streaming is going to be an easy one.

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October 17, 2005


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So someone named Boogalloo is cynical or something about men who are not just trying to get laid.

Thats something. I dont really know if boog is aboy or girl, and why they would be cynical about such a thing is sort of beyond my understanding of things. But so it goes.

I am on the line of saying that sometimes it does not matter if someone touches my penis. For example this girl Janet(I am obsessing a bit I know and it will pass) and I talked for like 2 minutes. There was so much cool shit just in that moment, that it was rewarding on all the levels.

So I am sorry you dont trust people.

And I think my Janet obsession will pass tonight as I go to the casino.

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My name is Andrew Sheppard and I am the President

Does anyone remember George Shepphard? The high school guy. He was managing the Bakers Square in Milwaukee ten years ago. When I saw him last.

I sat down with some intent to write something pretty specific and right now listening to U2, I am lost.

I am so proud of my friend Brandon Flowers. His drive to transcend the city he views his life in, is amazing. Some time I am critical of that thinking, that this place sucks and nothing good happens here. But honestly Brandon does not engage in that sort of thinking at all. I dont know that I have ever heard him really. He seems legitimately to be working to make this little shitty town a better place. And is website is amazing.

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October 16, 2005


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So Paul Filipowicz was at the pub tonight. I like his guitar work very much. Its that gear the is ancient, and the old pounded upon guitar, and what not. Its a bastard of a sound, a dirty grunged out sort of thing.

The thing is this...the guys that are that age, there time is past. Andy, Paul, Liban, Stulo, Rev, Howard...I hope to fuck they put some money away. I really do. I want to knock them the fuck right off the scene. I know it sucks to say that, but simply there is no reason to keep them around. They just fuck things up. They linger on like a basketball player, with bad knees.

I have a crush on a girl. It just sucks. I hate being the kind of 34 year old man who has a crush. Her name is Janet. She is just amazing. I mean way out of my league. And Cuda and I were talking tonight, that the sex thing is gone. I dont look at the ladies anymore and think that there open to sex. I gained the weight, got the depression, and sort of lost the cool dangerous thing.

But this girl Janet. She is truly pretty. And she spends time talking to me, and flirting with me. And it spins my head. I mean right now my head is spinning. And it is awesome.

I know that the world that Kevin Bacon runs in is not my world. But I like his voice in my head from time to time. I think that he is a good man. A differant man from me. But still a good man. And I am always interested in that sort of thing.

As far as Dickie betts, yeah. I just gotta walk away.

The Parker Jotter. Thats the one. Its going to be the pen of my mid 30s, and 40s.

I like being a vegetarian.

I just talked to Gary Oldmans daughters best friend. On that damn AOL thing. Its hilarious. She knows who I am. She and her friend are going to call me about doing a radio show. I think that it would be cool. I think that a teen voice on the media is something that is lacking, and not taken seriously when presented. The two of them, well I dont know Gary's daughter, but I talked to the other girl at the Rock and ROll high school for a while. And she seems amazingly cool. Smart. Opinionated. Articulate.

I might have talked to Gary;s daughter that night, you never know. I talked to a ton of people.


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October 15, 2005


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A little child stands in front of you and says, "Its okay to cry about your dad, in case you have dont that yet."

And then tears flow. We need that permission to be a human after so long of not being a human. The tears the realease.

The anger, the hurt, hidden BEHIND my eyes. Unable to get out. My mouth shut. MY body racked with pain. The pain hides behind my eyes, but you can see it. And I can see it. Its shocking how bad off that I am.


I dont even give a shit. Its out. It keeps coming. My head on a pillow. My eyes flowing, trying to see the end of the crying but I cannot.


Eric B and Rakim seem to be the only way to drop a beat bigger than me. Bigger than you. You sit and you hear that boom bap beat, and its all right there. How did that get to be the creative thing, and we dont know what to do with a guitar.

I think about Dickie Betts. The deal is not that he is a bad player. In fact he is a great player. but he is a bad guy. He treats people badly.

I dont understand the whatever culture. The culture of non engadgement in even our friends. We sit in our little bullshit world, and we dont talk to each other, we dont do anything of the sort.

I wish that Kevin Bacon would spend more time with me, but he is starting this business model. And its cool. I think of him as a great advisor. The time that we have been friends has been cool. He is willing to engage like an adult, not just a beer thing.

I bought an xbox yesterday. I got three games. I am really happy about it. I dont think it is so bad that I got one.

The broken links, yeah I might get to them, I might not.

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October 14, 2005

National Motn

I just signed up for the National Novel Writing Month.

50,000 words in november

You in?

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October 13, 2005

Google Wi Fi

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Retirement...I dont think there is anything I can do to plan for retirement.

How will that work?

US Savings Bonds.



So today I was listening to Engadget podcast, its one of my favorites. It appears that Google is going to roll out wi fi in San Francisco. I think that this is amazing. I really want to work on this. I think that this is amazing. The idea seems so simple. As an altruistic idea this is amazing. Giving people the rights to information.

Negroponte from MIT has started the 100 buck laptop project.

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October 12, 2005


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I just think that the photos are not really homoerotic, but they might be.

You can never really tell.

My left foot hurts. I think I have a wart. I dont know what I want to do about it, but I think it might hurt a little bit too much to ignore.

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October 10, 2005

really dont support the troops now

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Fuck this shit homie. You want me to support the troops, then they better be fucking above board excellent. Not dumping women who forsake all others just for the possible pay off in the end.

You fucking asshole Jimmy. You told her all this shit, and you knew she was in. And then you fucking failed to deliver.

I dont give a shit how big and bad and how many guns you got, or how the 124th rolls deep...fuck you. You spineless cocksucker

A woman gives to you, and you act like this.

I dont even know the story, and honestly I dont need to. Just shut the fuck up, be a man, and never never never darken this country with you presence. Just stay in North wherever the fuck you are.

She is crying. Dont you fucking get that...she is crying. Its not fair. They dont handle this like guys do. She is going to shred her soul for a year about this. And your going to cool down, bang some underage indo Chinese whore boy, a and be fine.

Can you not imagine the dark night, the terror she is going to feel in the middle moment when she is all alone.


You pussy.

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October 09, 2005

Studabaker John and the Hawks

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My favorite guitar tone of all time at Scott Street is Studabaker John. Last time he was up it started, this love that I felt for that tone. But now last night was even more.

He played through a SHURE Vocal Master. Which apparently was his PA since 1975. This thing looked like shit. I mean it looked like you took two suitcases apart, and plugged the even uglier board into them and went from there. I mean the board had knobs that turned, not the little sliders. It was ancient. Mitch V and were sitting there looking at it, actually wondering what the hell it was. It was part of the larger SHURE family, but god know. It looked nothing like a mixer or sound board, it looked like god knows.

Anyway, last time John was up her played through two differant Danelectro's. The cool thing is that he plays slide, and harmonica as well. The guy simply was touched by the blues. He brings that cool as singer songwriter thing to it. He did not play one cover or one rip off the whole night. It was amazing.

His tone is old. And warm. Like something that he has had. Like he keeps that old gear around, because he knows that he cannot give up the whole thing. So he keeps rebuilding things, and he knows his gear.

It was warm, and full. Like the great Keith Richards tone, but when Keith was still playing guitar loudly. Not just handing it in.

I gotta poop.

Anyway, Studabaker John may not be my favorite guitar player, but his guitar tone is my favorite.

And now I want to rip on P Diddy. I finally got to run the tape of the VMA's in the back ground while I was cleaning. It was so bad. Who does this dancing asshole think he is? His label has not made a record of note in like ten years.

Who cares?

He is a celebrity for being a celebrity.

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October 07, 2005

My mom seems sad. I think it is the change in the weather, but she just called me, and she was sad. I dont know what to do for her, but maybe that is not my job or task. Maybe she just needs to be more social.

Ahh whatever, its not my job is it?

Children, and parents, none of it ever really works out very well does it.

I got into it with some Joe B fans, and I am right.

The fact is he really cannot get any bigger in the blues fest world. He is sort of at a point of just being where he needs to be. The next step is to cross over in some way.

I predict he makes his mistake there. Going to go for the technical thing, and not the general music thing.

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October 06, 2005

Vampires in Brooklyn

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So I think a friend called me a rapist of vampire or something. I think that I have heard that before. I think I took a lot from Jackie. When it was falling apart, and I was struggling with literal sanity at that point, yeah I was just pulling from her.

I think I took from Amanda. Though Amanda took nearly a decade to point out to me what a shit I was.

I have not done it recently. I often attributed my taking, to my giving. Sort of give one, take 3. I think I always did that.

But not anymore.

The simple fact is I have not given anyone anything in about a year. Not even the high hard one.

I dont think I have been a good friend. I dont think I have been a bad friend. I just think that I have been an absent friend.

Honestly, I think it happened around the time of my Dad's suicide. I just shut off. I keep the tank for me if you will.

I dont know, I might be giving all the time.

I know I have not really been intimate with another human in a long time. Maybe with Natas Kaupas when I was in Milwaukee for the show the other week, but maybe not even then.

I have become a workout hog now. Its insane.

I gotta find someone to look out for my friends daughter. He is far away, and the occasional trusted EYE wont hurt anything. I tend to think I know who this is going to go to, but it is weird to call on these guys for a favor. But I am still going to do it. I think my friend is concerned. I dont know though, I might just think she is a teen.

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October 05, 2005


so today is was 80

tomorow the high will be 41

how does that work?

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What the fuck

A good friend changed the title of her blog


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Focusing a blog


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So now I have the fever, the talking to the world fever. Natas Kaupas and I talked for a while, about blog direction. And honestly, I think that is a great point. A real specific point to the blog. And honestly, I think that I am going to be moving in a more outward looking direction.

Bag News Notes...now that is a smart guy.

Did you hear Bush defending the selecting the picking of the new person Harriet Meyers or whatever her name is.

He wants someone to share his philosophy today, and twenty years from now. What the hell...how are we going to know what is going to be happening in 20 years.

Shit when I was a freshman in college, then I had to write my papers in pen. With my hand.

Now students and professors never have to meet.

There is a chance that there going to be charges filed against Karl Rove, or Peter Libby. How exciting is that?

Bill O'Reilly said that USA should consider taking the life of the leader of Syria.

This goes along with the Pat Robertson asking for the taking of Hugo Chavez life.

How is this our country?
How are these the voices that we hear? That the young people hear and will expect to grow up and care about there fellow man.
Fuck these are the talking heads that America worships. We worship the pundits, and these are the voices that you and I are listening to. Micheal Savage...what the fuck is that guy thinking?

And you wonder why I dont suppor the troops? This is another pandemic problem in our culture. We just sort of watch this shit fall apart.

Are we reading Corp watch?

Not enough I dont think.

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October 04, 2005

Testing, testing

The cool thing is this...I get to go to the hospital tonight, and get a sleep test done. It is one of the test needed before my throat surgery. The cool thing is this...I am not able to log on to a computer or take phone calls after 7 pm.

And Joan...you know what, I am defending my position. It is nothing personal against your guy. It is against the acts. I guess we cannot agree to disagree.

This is a bad part of my personality. IT really is.

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Moral Ascendancy

So one of the comments on my blog was in referance to my hypocrisy about being willing to not support(which is vastly differant than condemn) the troops actions, and my ability to empathize when they return.

Hmmm...fine. You want me to paint a morally impenetrable foundation...a moral ascendency of reason if you will.

I cant.

They get home, the soldiers, and get discharged, take of the uniform...yeah then I get it. Then I cannot empathize with it.

Apparently I cannot be upset at McDonalds for making people sick, but when I bump into some cat who works there who has had a rough day at work...I would think me as a human, capable of empathy.

But maybe not, maybe you need me to live in a morally aboslute world, that if I stop supporting the actions of the troops, or stop supporting the troops...then I can NEVER support anyone, or anything troop related.

I really hope someday some other people read and comment on my blog.

Posted by Radiofree at 02:34 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack


Yeah you want to make definitions...go ahead...

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Is there not a differance there?

It appears I have pissed of an informal group of people who love soldiers. Sorry about that.

Hey I lost a friend in the deal, that hurts more than you not liking my opinion.

If I thought that the internet was filled of one target audience, I would not have asked to be a part of this blogging community.

Condemn...to spit on them, to tell them there bad people, to hold them out for scorn...yeah thats not what I am doing.

Support...or lack there of...yeah thats me. Not condemning. Not even close.

Since I am upset about the actions of a few, then I will talk about actions. No I wont. I am allowed to have my opinion.

I ask a few questions...I haev a consistent problem with the rhetoric, that I need to thank soldiers and the armed forces for the blanket of freedom that I live and sleep under.

Do I?

Has the sovriegnty of America been challenged, other than Pearl Harbor?

Does "stabilizing the region" or "liberating the people of Iraq" or "preventing the spread of Nuclear ARms in North Korea" or "reinforcing democracy in Yugolsavia" done anything to ensure my freedom of speech?

When has my country been at risk?

You military gf's suddenly paying attention to me...what does your lover do to protect america by going to the desert and risk dying for something I dont understand?

Why are the military wives and girlfriends a more vocal anti war group? Why are you not picketing the White House asking our puppet president for his exit strategy?

Why are you not blostering the left, in there cirticism of the government that puts your loved ones in harms way, and for what?

Why are you not ciritcal of government that sent your sons or daughters or lovers or fathers to a place to fight and die for something that has proven to be false? Why are you not more vocal?

Yeah I know you gotta support your loved ones...but what about getting them home?

And just so were totally clear, I dont have a problem with a pilot carpet bombing some Iraqi town because that is what his orders are, or a man shooting man women and children if that is what is threatening his life. If a child comes up to a soldier with a gun in a threatening manner, shoot him.

But were not talking about that are we. Were talking about the dessicration of the dead, and the holy places. Were not talking about killing. Go ahead, your in war, its your job to kill.

But there dead, leave them be.

God I totally have been listening to Corey Brannan all day. I am so thrilled by the chance that he is going to have a new record come out in the next few weeks. I heard he was a prick at sxsw, but who cares. When he pops up on my ipod I am just thrilled.

Posted by Radiofree at 02:20 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

round and round

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Intrinsically the same.

Yet we yell and scream from the high heavens that these young men and women who come back broken, these are the people who are NOT what they did over there. Its seems like we want it both ways...we want to not hold them acocuntable since there damaged, yet we want to keep the shine on there commitment.

Lets just say it then...if I cannot have it both ways, then niehter can you. He does not get to intrinisically BE THE UNIFORM, when it is the uniform that asks him, no commands him to perform horrible acts. If he is the uniform then he is this as well.

I cant get drunk and punch a kid in the face, or stay sober and punch a kid in the face...and say that it was just my job. And have it be okay.

Yeah there job is to shoot people, to blow people up, to drop bombs on cities. I see that. But if there intrinisically the uniform, then I have the right to be ciritical of it.

As the police would have the right to be ciritical of me, if I punched a kid in the face.

You know there are warriors. Men and women who are differant, who go into war zones and do terrible things with honor.

Then there are idiots who join up and do really shitty things, because there only in a short time. And its only a path to a new car, or out of the ghetto, or college.

There are soldiers who hate the military, and the war, and the government. There are soldiers who hate blacks, and jews, and iraqis, and native americancs.

There are soldiers who are doing hash, and fucking there other soliders. There are soldiers who are raping female soliders, there are female soldiers who are humiliating (some might say torturing) prisoners of war.

There are soldiers who area giving young Iraqi kids milk, and food and books.

There are soldiers who are stabbing dogs with knives just to watch them die.

There are soldiers who are giving medical care to the sick people of Iraq and Kuwait.

But backed into a corner, told I cant have it both ways...that if a man comes home and I dont support him now, I cannot support him then...fine. I am pretty sure I can have it both ways. But if I cant, fine.

This is my statement...I beleive that our military is failing to hold the men and women who commit these atrocities accountable. I believe that this makes our country look bad in a global community. I believe that these acts make the war effort harder, as the enemies or people over there who seek to kill Americans see these images as well. So I think that these images get young men killed.

I dont support young men getting killed.

So I dont support these images.

So I dont support the actions in these images.

So I dont support the people doing these things.

I dont believe in the myth of the soldier, as warrior poet. Torn apart by there acts of depravity. The image of a young man crying with a dead Iraqi in his hand, thinking that the man he killed died with honor.


We live in a disconnected world. Bombing from the next time zone. This disconnection is the very tool needed to maintian sanity apparently, and it is the very thing that makes it possible for our young men and women to not see the people they KILLED as people.

The military makes young boys and girls into women and men. I got that.

The military...is it the one who teaches the ones to do these acts? or is this in the person before they get there?

Either way, I am done commenting on this. We all know where I stand.

Posted by Radiofree at 12:09 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

theres a dead horse...let me beat it

"go to extraordinary lengths so that we get to sit back and hide behind our computers screens in the comfort of our homes in a land where we have the freedom to bad mouth the people who keep us free."

My comment is this...I am neither saying it ananymously, nor am I doing it from the dark room behind a coputer screen. Simply put I am putting it on my blog, while I view my blog as personal, and not all that interesting to the world, I am not so naive to think that I talk into a vaccuum. I knew what I was saying. I really did. I knew I was saying it in public.

I thank the troops for protecting my freedom. Is that what there doing in Iraq? Protecting my freedom? Now we get into that shitty area of politics, but I ask you, military gf or wife or fiance, are your men and women protecting my freedom in Iraq?

If you can look me in the eye, or on the web, and tell me they are, and show me how, then I have will bow to this.

You dont know me, but I thank all the veterans of all the wars when I see them. Even Storm, episode one, and now Iraq episode 2. I will not burden them with my opinion, they have nightmares about killing people, and there friends being killed. My opinion in a man who lives in a world that heavy is totally meaningless. I cannot carry there jock strap. They are heavy people, I am a light weight in comparision.

But do not confuse respect for the man, with respect for the uniform. Your boyfriend or girlfriend or husband or wife is a good person, soldiers are doing bad things.

I know you love one, and so you cannot accept the designation. I dont care so much about that. I know no one in Iraq. Young men and women from my community have gone and died. 42 to be exact from my home county. I weep for them. I have EMOTIONAL DISTANCE enough to be able to do that, to weep the person, while cursing the soldier.

Dont you see SOLDIER is not yours. It is really not yours. SOLDIERS are doing bad things. In the name of war. In the name of god knows what. Your fiance is not doing bad things, or maybe he is. I dont know. Maybe yoru boyfriend is taking pictures with dead fathers of Iraqi children. Using dead Iraqi soldiers for target practice. Are these not fathers and husbands? I am sure there not. There just targets.

"It's not because we don't care; in fact, the opposite is true. We care so much that if we don't distance ourselves, the pain would eat us alive."

If the men who took my father away after he had died made gallows humor jokes about him, they were wrong. The people that you care for are deserving of dignity. They are deserving of respect. Your mockery of other humans is a horrid example of our need to distance ourselves. Just shut your fucking mouth. That fat ladyh who died in her house, 500 pounds skin grown to the couch...yeah she is a mother and a wife. And people cry for her death. You want to go back to the firehouse and laugh and make jokes because all you want to do is cry, well then I say this...cry. Just fucking cry. be a leader in your fucking profession and fucking cry.

The day my Dad died I punch a cop in the mouth. Not because he told a bad story or joke, but he said something that was an emotional mistaken sentence. He meant nothing by it, and you know I should have been understanding of his job and his youth...but you know what...fuck that...I dont have to acqueisce to his stupidity. I dont have to conceed that gallows humor is a part of the job for firefighters or EMTS or PARAMEDICS, or cops or soldiers. Its not okay. Mocking that which you kill is not okay.

Fucking Ted Nugent teaches this at his hunting camps for fucks sake. Respect for that which you kill.

I gotta quote Ted Nugent?

"they are normal people who aren't always given the chance to process and cope with what they have done or seen."

I dont care. Take it up with the bosses who put them there. Rich white men put them in the desert, and there being put in terrible situations. And there doing bad things. They signed up for this. Poverty, college fund, psycopaths...whatever....these young men are not warriors. There gang members, and the leader of there gang is a coked out texan and his LT has a bad heart, and there all following the divine rule of Ralph fucking Reed.

"How dare people sit in in the safety and splendor of this country and castigate those they can't even hope to understand. It makes my heart both heavy and furious."

I have a couple of responses to this one...

I thanked my grandfather for fighting in WW2. I cared for my Uncle Georgey who lost his mind in WW2.

First thing...Has the america way of life been threatened? Has there ever been an army moving on this country? Does it even appear that there are forces at work here in the midwest looking to enslave americans, and turn us into Communists, or killing us for not being Muslims? Is this Red dawn, and am I Patrick Swayze looking for Stacey keach?

Second...Dont read my blog. I am sorry. I know its the internet, and I know I am publishing my thoughts. I came here to get away from the judgement of readers. But it appears I have more readers now, and more commenters. Which is cool. You want to have a dialogue with me about why supporting the troops is right, then lets have a dialogue. But just dont tell me I am wrong because they are people doing things that are beyond my comprehension. I thought about that already. I comprehended what I was saying by saying I dont support soldiers. I did not think I would lose a friend of 5 years over saying it, but I said it. I gotta own that. I cannot go back in time. I have to be accountable for my actions.

Like soldiers need to be accountable for there actions.

Castigate...I am not castigating anyone. I just said I dont support them. Shit I dont support pro football, but that does not mean it does not exist. I am not fighting to get there benefits taken away, or trials for war criminals, or whatever. I am just turning my back on them. They dont me. They have a country full of red state conservatives cheering for them. One guy in Wisconsin, heck he dont matter a lick.

Brett Farve lost his fourth game for the Packers tonight...I dont support him being the starter next game. See how much pull I have?

I am talking about this on my BLOG. I am not talking about it when speaking to the paper, nor am I talking about it at work. I am talking about it on MY BLOG. My blog.

Later on in my blog I will be writing long essays about the Parker Jotter, and how I dont use powder on my nuts when it is summer. These times dont lend me a lot of significance.

But then again, maybe it is my responsibility to speak out. No it is not. It is not. It is the mothers and fathers of dead soldiers, it is the vengeful sons and daughters of the Iraqi dead mocked who will speak out. not me.

I will actually be the one fighting for US Military men to have the right to blog or say whatever they want when they get home. See my job is in free speech, in provinding a forum for all views.

So your soldier wants to get on the airwaves and talk, or in the papers and talk, and he lives in Wisconsin, have him call me, I can get that done.

"These soldiers are good men; good men who have witnessed horrific things...they don't walk away unscathed and that is what makes them human. Not what causes them to lose their humanity."

Your soldier joined up. Volunteered.

They do witness terrible things. They have no right to do horrible things. None.

"If you think the soldiers are monsters, fine, you sit up with my soldier through the nights when he has terrors."

You want me to hold your mans hand, or let him talk it out, or go for a walk, or put on protective gear and let him beat the crap out of someone...give me a call. Seriously. I will put my money where my mouth is. I will sit there and be quiet and listen to everything he has to say, and I will cry real tears with him. or I wont if he does not want me to. But I will sit there and respect the man, and the pain he is in. The pain caused to him.

In private, away from the man, if you tell me he was one of the men who did the bad things I continiously see...then I will in private and never in front of the man think to myself that he was wrong.

And then I will put my feelings aside as they are irrelevant and walk in front of your man and offer my help with all of my resources.

But you ask me to support the tragic things that these young men and women are doing. I wont.

Once a Iraqi or Afghani or whoever is dead, just leave them alone. There dead.

I am tired. I want to go to sleep.

I thank you soldier for defending my way of life. I wish you would stop doing these bad things I keep reading about. I hope you make it home okay.

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Posted by Radiofree at 03:26 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

October 03, 2005

My ideas of Blogging

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So I got a reaction to my last blog. So I took it off. It again veered my into the reason I was concerned about with the other site.

So if you came here looking for my comment about the troops, your going to have to wait.

I am going to go home and reconsider writing it.

I dont think I want to be that guy. But then again I might.

Posted by Radiofree at 06:59 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack